The Journal
by Dead Shadow Reflections
Summary: Tanushree writes in a journal for her seven years at hogwards about her feelings for Sirius Black.. he finds the book an a whirlwind of emotion takes over (Based on first copy of "the Journal" New seenes and new chapters!)


**The Journal…**

**Written by Kate Haines.**

**Based on the Characters of J.K.Rowling.**

**Chapter 1:**

**Seven years ago today…**

**_Sept 1st (7th year)_**

**_Well here we go again. This year is going to be just like the last, I know already, I knew as soon as he stepped onto the train. I was alone, minding my own business and poof he was there, jabbering away as if there was nothing special about him at all. If only he knew! If only I could make him feel the same way. When he looks at me it's like he's looking right through me, into my soul, into my heart and mind and it's taking over everything I do… I just don't know_**

Tanushree jumped as the door to her compartment opened and Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin and Lily Evans piled in. Sirius sat beside Tanushree, Remus across from her and James beside Remus. Lily perched herself on Potter's lap, smiling and giggling as he kissed her neck. Tanushree glanced nervously at Sirius, having hidden her notebook seconds before he came in. Then her eyes landed on Lily and James as they fawned and giggled over each other. What she would give to feel that. She quickly glanced at Remus to hide her longing gaze and smiled

"How are you feeling?" she asked "You look a little pale"

"Fine… for now" he said softly and shook his head "full moon in three days though"

"Does Kate know?" Sirius asked, leaning forward in his seat after fixing the pony tail that held his dark hair back at the base of his skull

"No! How could I tell her? It's not like she even really cares about me... she'd flip her lid if she knew!" Remus said and shook his head

"Moony relax" James said and laughed, Lilly giggling as well "If she flips out and freaks on you then she's not good enough for you anyways" he said simply and looked out the window

"I'm not going to tell her!" He said almost angrily

"Fine then I will."

"Guys stop it… god I'm sorry I brought it up…" Tanushree said and looked out the window. Her eyes narrowed and she glanced at all of them

"And what the hell where you just talking about?"

Remus paled "Nothing... I'll explain later. Sirius looked away, quickly shuffling though his bag

Sept 1st (train)

Terrific I've hurt her already… what am I going to do? How am I going to get though this year without breaking down and telling her everything? Maybe I should just give up… it would be so much better that way. She deserves better than a disowned, failing seventh year with no where to go after he finishes school. I don't want to give up… I'll try once more but than that's it. Maybe I can make things work… maybe…

Sirius stopped writing as the train came to a halt, he quickly left the compartment, grabbing Remus and dragging him out too. James sat there for a moment, watching Tanushree

"Don't worry… He'll figure it out soon" he assured her

"Wait… what?" Tanushree questioned, looking a bit worried "What do you mean?"

"Sirius… I can see it when you look at him, don't worry… we won't tell" Lily assured her and smiled.

"You I trust… it's your hubby I have a problem with" Tanushree said and jabbed her thumb at James. James pouted and stood, pulling Lily up with him

"Come on... we should go into the school" he said and smiled. Tanushree nodded and stood, walking out into the cold night air and making her way towards the carriages.

She found an empty one and went in, waiting for the others when Sirius bounded in and shut the door, the contraption moving almost instantly. Tanushree blinked, watching him for a moment before he spoke

"Where are Lily and James?" he asked

"Probably in another carriage" she said and looked out the window. They where both silent for the ride, Sirius glancing from the moonlit sky to Tanushree again and again. The carriage stopped and they both stood to leave, Tanushree accidentally bumped into Sirius, she laughed nervously and quickly walked outside then into the school. Sirius stood there a moment, still able to faintly smell her against his skin. He closed his eyes and shook it off, stepping outside then following her into the school. Part of him wanted to turn back time and just grab on to her and hold her tightly… but how could he? He wouldn't be traveling back any time soon…

They didn't know anyone being sorted. They cheered along with everyone else but it was clear that neither Tanushree nor Sirius where very happy. Tanushree kept glancing at Lily and James, Kate and Remus and Megan and Alloway… they all seemed so happy. Why couldn't see have that… why couldn't Sirius be that close to her. She hated it. Sirius watched her the whole time though she failed to notice. Disappointed he left early, soon Tanushree decided to go and left the others to sit and eat, the happy couples giggling and kissing the whole time… Sirius again wished for that moment in the carriage to be back… to feel her pressed against his chest and be able to hold her close and let her know how much he loved her, how his heart beat only for the chance of her smile being directed at him… but she hadn't smiled for a while now…and who could he blame but himself?

**Chapter 2:**

**A troubled kiss.**

**_Sept 3rd (Common room)_**

**_Today was a disaster! He hates me I know it! Oh what am I going to do? How can I ever survive this year if he hates me so much? He won't look at me anymore. Damn that Sirius black! Damn his fan clubs and his horde of girlfriends! They don't love him… I love him… and I hate it. I hate loving him! But I have to love him… my heart won't let me turn away._**

Tanushree stood and walked to a bookshelf, hiding her notebook among the large volumes and text books as she always did. She would never risk getting it found by a housemate. Not after she went on and on about how she hated Sirius fan girls. She walked back to her seat as the common room door opened. There stood Sirius, alone. He quickly walked over to her, his pain filled eyes locking on hers

"What did I do?" He asked, trying to read her emotion through her eyes

"What? Sirius… nothing!" she said quickly, trying to pull away but he just pulled her closer

"Please Tanushree… I can't do this" he said and brought her that last inch forward and kissed her. Her eyes grew wide, her heart fluttered but she pulled away in fear

"Sirius… I" she didn't know just what to say. She didn't know how to make it better than a dream. But it was to late, his eyes filled with tears and he pulled back. Shaking his head he turned and ran from the common room…

"No! Wait please!" she called, going to follow him but he was already gone. Hurt and alone she went back to her dormitory, her stomach twisting in knots…

I don't want to give up… I'll try once more but than that's it…

He ran out onto the grounds, throwing rocks at the lake

"DAMN IT! I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP!" he yelled out and shook his head, falling to his knees and swearing under his breath. The sudden realization of what had happened overcame him. He had kissed her… she hadn't kissed back. There was no love on her end, nothing at all. He closed his eyes, not wanting to believe it. He transformed into the shaggy black dog and took off towards the forest, dashing along the edge, circling the school. He stopped and howled, the pain filled call was so haunting and terrifying it drew the Gryffindor's to the windows of there dormitories in the fear of an animal being killed by some sort of monster out in the woods. Damn this… how could he try so hard and receive nothing in return?

**_Sept 6th _**

_**I can't believe it... he kissed me! But I had to go and mess it up didn't I? Oh why didn't I run after him? WHY!? I waited for him to come back but he never did… at breakfast this morning he wouldn't even look at me! He just walked out when I came into the room… and in potions he told me that last night was kind of a whim… and he didn't mean it. I don't want it to be a whim! It's not fair…it just seemed so real…they way he looked like he would cry after he kissed me…**_

Tanushree had been writing in mostly darkness so instead of risking writing over the same page twice she wrote this a few pages from the back of her book. The notebook was now hidden again on the common room bookshelf and she was gone, in class. She couldn't help but think about the eve3nts of last night and smile; they had kissed… though it had been an empty kiss. Her face fell, she gathered her things as the bell rang and she left…

**Chapter 3**

**Catch the Chaser!**

Quidditch practice… finally something to get her mind of that dark haired angel that sat far below on the pitch grounds. Tanushree threw the quafell at Remus again and again but he caught it ever time. He glanced nervously at her

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking a bit nervous.

"N-nothing" she said, throwing again. She could feel Sirius watching her and she glanced down at the ground to see him turn away. Remus's eyes grew wide and he flew forward

"Your not… no... You of all people couldn't like Sirius!"

"Shut up!" she said quickly. He just smiled and laughed

"Don't worry… I'm sure he-"

"Please don't say that he likes me too because I really don't want to hear it" she muttered.

Remus sighed and shook his head…

"TANUSHREE!" James yelled, a bludger aimed straight for her head. She tried to dodge but failed, the bludger hitting the end of her broom knocking her into the air. Terror, sadness and an overwhelming sense of helplessness over came her as she reached desperately for her broom. She missed and she knew that there was no way another player could catch her by the time she was falling. James tried, being the fastest and most skilled flyer… but he knew as well there was no hope. She screamed, tears in her eyes as the thought of death or at least agonizing pain filled her heart. It seemed like a miracle when a set of strong arms curled around her, the force shoving whoever it was back into the sand of the pitch. Tanushree felt herself lying against a firm chest, clinging to a set of black robes and not wanting to move. A gentle hand stroked her hair… trying to coax her into a calm state…

"Shh… Tanushree its okay" Sirius's soft voice murmured in her ear. She jumped and looked up, into his eyes… so close… his soft lips where inches from hers… and getting closer, and closer… and…

"My god are you alright!?" James said, stumbling to his knees beside Tanushree. She sighed, feeling Sirius pull away from her and stand

"I'm going to go back to the school" he said softly and quickly left. Tanushree yanked herself away from the others, anger and disappointment boiling inside her. How could James be so thick!? She glared at him as she left, walking out of the pitch and towards the school once more

Sirius felt sick, how close had she come to being hurt… or worse! She could have died… he could have lost her and never had a chance to show her that he loved her. He would have never forgiven himself. Never. He closed his eyes, finally making his way to the common room he came in to find it empty.

"I had almost hoped she…" he trailed off. She would never have come. He turned and walked up the steps to his dormitory…

Sept 7th

There are no words to explain the fear I just felt… I nearly lost her! What would I have done if she had been killed? How could I have gone on living knowing I would never hear her soft voice again? Even if she feels nothing for me… her death would kill me. I can see it when I look at her; she seems so upset to be around me… I mean… how could she love me anyways? And here I am rambling on and I'm still scared out of my mind about what happened this afternoon on the pitch. And after yesterday too… I just don't know what to do!

**Chapter 4**

**A hidden secret, hidden no more.**

There was a group of people in the common room. The Marauders. Crowded around a certain map and planning something against a certain Slythrin. James glanced at Sirius, raising an eyebrow

"Padfoot… you don't seem yourself today"

"Hu? Oh sorry" he murmured, walking along the rows of books, glancing at all of them one by one

"He's right... I mean… look at you!" Remus said simply "You're looking at books… that's not good" he said and laughed, smiling softly "Listen... you're not yourself so… I don't want you coming with us on the next full moon"

"What?" James protested, looking almost angry "But Peter runs off all the time! What the hell am I going to do there alone?" he asked

Peter glared, about to speak when Sirius jumped in

"No he's right Prongs… I'll end up getting hurt or hurting someone" he said quietly. He saw something out of place… a spiral notebook. He pulled it out of the bookshelf, glancing at the first page he found it to be a journal… flipping though a bit he saw his name, blinking in confusion he glanced at the others "I'm gonna go to bed" he said and quickly went up the stairs to the dormitory and sat on his bed. He opened the notebook, reading though quickly…

_**I don't know who this boy is…**_

_**His name is Sirius… Sirius Black… it's so beautiful isn't it?**_

_**He talked to me… oh he talked to me!**_

_**Another day… more longing… it's tearing me apart… I don't know what to do! I don't know how to make these feelings go away!**_

Sirius quickly closed the book and hid it under his pillow. Who was this girl? There had been no name in the book… but he felt somehow emotionally connected to her. He wanted to find her. But his heart still beat for Tanushree. Could they be…? No… Tanushree wouldn't keep a silly journal like that. He should go after whoever this was and give up on that endless fight for his first love. What could he do? Find this girl and give up on Tanushree? Or chase after a broken dream? It was far too late to make these decisions now… so he lay down and slept. His dreams where haunted by her, overwhelming him… he sat up abruptly, but soon gave up on sleep, just staring out the window blankly, letting himself think of her until the sun rose.

It was probably not a good thing that Sirius's watchful eye wasn't about during the full moon. Curiosity had compelled Tanushree to follow three of the Marauders outside at dusk, Watching in astonishment as they climbed though a hole beneath that wretched tree that wrecked her broom last year (ah well she had a new one now). She watched for a while, losing track of time as the full moon rose into the air… she was stirred from her daydreams by a howl that rattled her bones and a set of growls that followed. She peeked around the tree she was hiding behind to see a creature unlike anything she could dream up. It looked like a wolf but stood like a man, its fur was a red- brown and it's back arched at what looked like quite a painful angle. She recognized it from her text books in care of Magical creatures… a were wolf. She went to walk back to the castle when it turned, growing at her. It's eyes where lifeless… or at least almost lifeless… there was something familiar in those eyes, something trying to hold back the monster.

"Remus…." She murmured. The faint sound from her sent the monster off; he let out a noise between a growl and a bark. She screamed as it ran towards her, breaking into a run towards the school. The were wolf followed her and she screamed again. Tripping over a rock she turned onto her back to see the beast tower over her, salivating with hunger but with fear in its eyes… a flash of black tackled the beast away from her, a black dog, fighting with the wolf. It turned to her and barked, sending her running again, not stopping until she was safe in her dormitory…

"What the hell just happened…?" she murmured, looking out the window to see the dog still fighting that were wolf. She watched in horror as again and again the beasts beat each other down. The fight continued until morning, moving its way to the forest. Tanushree couldn't sleep and when the sun went up she couldn't help but run outside and towards the forest, pushing through bushes in the direction she had seen the wolf go the night before. There, laying bloody and beaten where Marauders. Sirius and Remus where both out cold, James looked up when he saw her and Peter just looked nervous

"Why did you go out last night?" James asked

"I… I saw you leave without Sirius… I was…"

"Uh…" Sirius moaned, stirring.

James glanced at Tanushree "Get out… before he wakes up…" he murmured. She nodded, biting her lip as she turned and ran back to the castle, hearing Sirius talking to the others as he ran and trying to wake up Remus…

**Chapter 5:**

**The final decision.**

Sept 14th

I have decided… I'm going to find this girl. Me and Tanushree seem to be on level ground now. I mean… she doesn't hate me anymore at least. I think I'll ask her about it… She might now this mystery girl I'm after. And maybe she can help me to figure out how to make things work between us… not me and Tanushree… me and whoever that journal belongs too. She'll be here soon… I'll ask her.

Sirius stopped writing, feeling a hand slide along his shoulders. A few locks of bond hair falling onto his shoulders as the face of Brittany Wilson moved down to glance at hi

"Hey Siri" she said and giggled, flipping her blond hair "You busy tonight?"

"Yes Brit I'm busy" he said, getting a few evil glares from her little gob of fans. However she failed to notice this and sat on his knee

"Aww come on Blacky!" she purred in his ear, playing with his hair "Preatty please?"

"No Brittany… go sleep with Snape again… he loves you" he said and pushed her off him. She pouted

"Well that was mean Sirius Black! Maybe I'll just go find Malfoy…" she said and strolled off, flipping her gray and green scarf behind her neck.

James grinned and shook his head "silly Slythrin girl…" he said, glancing at Tanushree who had been looking down for the whole thing "you alright?" he asked

"Yes" she said, almost coolly. Kate was sitting besides her, fiddling wither fork. Since it was the full moon tonight Remus was feeling like shit and was locked in his dormitory

"I hope he's okay… he gets like this all the time" she said and sighed. Tanushree glanced at her and smiled

"Don't worry… tomorrow he'll be back to normal" she promised and looked up at the roof, sighing deeply and shaking her head at the gray and black clouds "I hate rain" she muttered. Sirius smiled, taking her hand and breaking into a run outside. Tanushree yelped, looking up at him as they stepped outside. Her heart beat fast as she looked up at him, rain soaking him through. He looked down at her, no longer smiling

"Tanushree…" he murmured, pulling her into his arms as they where both soaked through. She pulled away, looking up at him

"What...? I'm cold… can we do this inside?"

"I just wanted to know if you where alright… after what happened on the pitch…"

"Thank you Sirius… I'm fine."

"Are you sure"

"Yes… and if it wasn't for you then I wouldn't even be hear right now. Thank you" she murmured, leaning up and kissing his cheek gently then darting inside. Sirius watched her go and sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head

"bye…"

Sept 16th

She's not making this easy… I love her, I know I do and I can't help but feel like she might just love me back. When she looks back at me I want to hold her and never let go… but how can I? I'm giving up. I'll see what this other girl is like and maybe… maybe there might still be hope for me and Tanushree… I can dream… right?

It had been a long night full of decisions… now Sirius glanced across the table at Tanushree; the common room was empty save for them, the two of them having gone up for some study time. Sirius found himself wanting to ask Tanushree if she loved him… but a completely different question spilled from his lips…

"I wanted to ask you something… do you know… a girl in Gryffindor who writes in a journal?" he asked, immediately regretting it.

She shrugged "Yea lots do… why?"

"I found one… I want to know who it belongs to" _Oh no… here we go… no chance now._

She shrugged "Why? It's really none of your business" she muttered, her stomach twisting

"Well… I want to know because… I think I'm falling for her" _No! No! Now you've really blown it!_

Tanushree's heart broke and she looked down "I'll help you find her" she murmured and sighed _It's not like I had a chance anyways…_

"Thank you!" Sirius said and smiled "You don't know how much this means to me!" he murmured and sighed _other than a broken heart and nothing left of you but a memory_

**Chapter 6:**

**Hogsmead.**

Sept 20th

Tanushree's going to help me find her! This is good… I can fix things with her and find my mystery girl. This is wonderful! Very, very good. I'm a bit worried about Moony but it'll be okay…Tonight's the full moon so he's gone with James and Peter… Kate's a wreck but she'll be alright too. Every thing might just be okay. The thing is…if I find this girl... how will I get over Tanushree?

Sirius was writing by the use of the moonlight in his room. He watched the moon, sighing as he put his notebook away, looking down at his shoes. He reached under his pillow and pulled out Tanushree's notebook, looking through the pages and reading a bit more. His heart fluttered after every page. But then he thought of Tanushree…both these girls had stolen his heart… This mystery maiden and Tanushree… they both seemed so perfect. Little did he know they where one and the same.

Tanushree managed to tough out the next few days, numb, not believing what Sirius had asked her. She was mad at him but she still loved him. She hated it but how could she stop? She sighed, wandering down the hall when Snape grabbed her shoulder and glared at her

"Who's this girl? The one righting in that journal Black found?"

"Why do you want to know?" she hissed, slapping his hand off her shoulder

"I think I know who it is" he said and grinned. She glared

"Oh please… and who would that be?"

"Brittany… I bet you anything"

"Fine" she said coolly "But by the way he talks about that journal I doubt it was her"

There was a cold laugh from behind them, Malfoy, grinning at them both

"No it was probably Peter… the little faggot" he muttered, grinning. Tanushree glared at both of them

"You're both insane" he hissed and walked outside, looking at the lake.

"You okay?" Sirius asked, walking up behind her. She turned and glanced at him

"Oh fine… do you know anything else about his mystery maiden of yours?" she asked

"Nope… I know she's in Gryffindor and she's a seventh year or graduated last year…" he said and shrugged

"Hmm… it could have been Heather…"

"She's a Slythrin!"

"But she had a lot of friends in Gryffindor… if you found her notebook in the tower then it could have been hidden by a friend."

"But what about Ted…"

"They only really hit it off at the end of her seventh year… it could have been a fling for her"

"I doubt it..." Sirius said and sat beside Tanushree "Besides… I don't think a Slythrin could write what she wrote" he said and looked up at the sky, flopping back on the grass. Tanushree slowly leaned over him, looking down into his eyes. One hand on either side of his shoulders as she gazed into his beautiful dark eyes. He smiled up at her, his trademark grin that made her heart flutter. She sighed deeply and shook her head

"Your pathetic" she murmured, leaning down and kissing his forehead. He blushed a bit but just laughed it off

"Only a little…" he said and sat up, forcing Tanushree to sit up as well. She grabbed her bag and her scarf and dashed off towards the castle before he could say more. He grabbed is own bag, about to run after her but she was gone, he sighed and shook his head, slowly walking back to the school, looking up as snow softly started falling.

October 29th

It's been to long since I've written. But there has been nothing to write about. I stopped reading the girls journal. The difficulty of choosing between Tanushree and whoever this is has become just too much stress for me. I've given up on figuring out who I love more… something tells me it's Tanushree but for now I don't want to know. There's a Hogsmead trip and I'm just going to enjoy myself and try my best to avoid Tanushree for another day… wish me luck!

Hogsmead in the snow… quite the quaint sight. The shops and homes covered with a light, soft layer of white that looks so delicate that looks to delicate to touch. They where dressed in school robes, since last time the marauders had gotten into a bit of trouble and it was now best to easily distinguish the Hogwarts students from normal citizens. James was dancing with Lily in a courtyard as a choir sang some haunting, Halloween like tunes. Tanushree watched in silence, seeing Remus and Kate join in soon joined by Megan and Alloway. She sighed, looking around for Sirius but no luck

"Probably in Zonko's…" she murmured standing and walking towards the joke shop. She went inside and after stocking up on some random things she went to the Hogs Head for a bottle of butter bear. That's when she saw him…sitting on his own in the corner. She bit her lip, sitting across from him and looking at him carefully

"Okay… now it's my turn… what did I do?"

"Hmmm? Oh nothing… I've been busy"

"You've been avoiding me…"

"I… I... uh..."

"Did you find her?"

"Who?"

The girl… with the diary, you where kinda obsessed with her… did you find her?"

"No... I stopped looking, it's probably old anyways. Doesn't matter to me"

Tanushree nodded, biting her lower lip and shaking her head

"I'm going to go back to school" she murmured and stood, about to leave when Sirius grabbed her hand, looking up at her, his eyes begging for her to stay

"Tanushree wait…"

"What is it?" she asked, biting her lip again and pulling her hand away. He blinked and looked away

"Nothing… I'll see you soon" he murmured and looked down. She watched him for a long time, shook her head and walked away, out into the snow and back to school. He sat there for a long time, watching in silence but shaking his head.

She wandered outside, Remus running up to her and grabbing her arm

"Tanushree… a few nights ago… Sirius and James told me that you where out… they told me what you saw…"

"Remus… it's alright. Nothing happened to me and nothing happened to anyone else… but how did Sirius and James kno-..." she trailed off and her eyes widened "They're… they can't be! James doesn't have the brain power!"

"Well he does… that's how we got our nicknames… Moony because of the wolf, Prongs because of the stag, Wormtail because of the rat and…"

"Padfoot… because he's the dog" Tanushree said, her chest growing tight as she shook her head "Wow…" she murmured and sighed softly. Remus hugged her and smiled softly

"Don't worry… just promise you won't go out on a full moon again"

She laughed "Promise" she said and smiled. She didn't notice the set of dark eyes that had been watching them from the pub. Sirius watched, eyes narrowed as they talked slightly hushed and his glare burned when he saw Remus embrace her… he knew! That damned wolf knew what he felt for her…

**Chapter 7:**

**The discovery.**

October 31st

Well it's the Halloween ball… Prongs convinced me to go after much pestering. I'm going as a pirate since I couldn't think of anything else in time. Everyone else has partner costumes. James and Lily are Dorothy and the scarecrow... Megan and Alloway are Inu-Yasha and Kagome from some muggle show and Kate and Remus are Beauty and the Beast… and here I am as a pirate… all alone…

He tossed own his notebook, walked down into the common room to see everyone there except Megan (being in Ravernclaw) and she where waiting in the great hall when they got there. Remus hugged Kate and Alloway pretty much swept Megan up into his arms. The room was full of giggles and laughs save for two people.

Kate laughed at Remus, poking his fake ears "Good job with the cheap costume, Wolfy…"

"Hu? Where'd you get that nick name from?"

"Take three guesses love. You get sick around the full moon, your fine when it's gone… I think I figured it out…"

"Kate… I…"

"Should have told me? Of course… but it's alright "she murmured, leaning up and kissing them as the group walked into the great hall.

Then there was… Sirius and Tanushree. Tanushree was dressed in an 1800's gown, burgundy and white, lacy and a bit frilly and it looked amazing on her… Sirius sighed softly, walking into the great hall as the music started. The band suited the mood… no one had heard of them before… but they where good. Dancing, eating laughing, everything swirled around Sirius and Tanushree, they both tried to fight it; both tried to find peace and tried to get centered but nothing. Chaos took over Tanushree and she tried to leave to find the great hall doors locked

"Damn it..." she murmured; now she would be stuck here until the ball was over. Sirius watched in silence…Everything swirled and mixed and morphed together until there eyes locked, across the room… peace… solitude... belonging. It was Sirius that ran for her first but she stepped back, a hand on his chest when he reached her, her back pressed against the wall

"No… this isn't right"

"How is it not right?" he whispered in her ear "Every day I think about you… every day you haunt my dreams and take over my world… and it's not right?" he asked desperately, closing his eyes as he whispered those words in her ear. She closed her eyes, taking a small step towards him

"How can it be right… with that journal you found…" she murmured and sighed "You love her, not me..." she murmured. Sirius sighed, taking the small diary out of his pocket. She gasped when she saw it

"Look at the last page" she murmured.

"But… the writing stopped in the middle"

"Do it…" she said quickly and smiled

He shrugged, turning to the last page to see writing on it. He read it… then read it again

**Sept 6th **

**I can't believe it... he kissed me! But I had to go and mess it up didn't I? Oh why didn't I run after him? WHY!? I waited for him to come back but he never did… at breakfast this morning he wouldn't even look at me! He just walked out when I came into the room… and in potions he told me that last night was kind of a whim… and he didn't mean it. I don't want it to be a whim! It's not fair…it just seemed so real…they way he looked like he would cry after he kissed me…**

"I-it's yours" he murmured and looked up, trying to meet her eyes but she had turned her back to him, leaning against a window frame. He walked over, placing the diary on the window sill beside her. She looked at it for a moment, opened the window and tossed it as far as she could, it hit the womping willow and she grinned as it was thwacked to pieces. She sighed contently

"Much better" she murmured, grabbing the ruff of Sirius's shirt and pulling him out onto the dance floor. He laughed, taking off his pirate hat and placing it on her head. She giggled, putting her hand in his, her other on his shoulder as one of his arms wrapped around her waist and they danced, for hours they danced and when they got tired they sat down, Sirius kissed her over and over and then they danced some more… the others watched with amusement, having been waiting for it to happen since second year it was very nice to see it finally unfold… true love.

**Chapter 8:**

**A dream comes true.**

"Tanushree. Wake up" Sirius murmured in her ear. She moaned, turning onto her side and snuggling into the blankets of the bed she had been given at Sirius's home for the few weeks she was staying there. He grinned, climbing onto the bed beside her and stretching out on top of her

"come on… you gotta move some time today" he murmured in her ear. She moaned

"Get off you bloody git… I'm sleeping" she muttered, turning onto her stomach. Sirius smiled, gently kissing the back of her neck. She pulled the blankets over her head. He sighed softly

"You do know we're supposed to meet Lily and James today…"

"I don't care… sleep…"

"Mmm… come on Tanushree… kiss me…" he breathed in her ear "Please, baby"

She smiled and turned onto her back, putting her arms around his neck and bringing herself close to him, letting her lips brush against his teasingly once before kissing him softly. He pulled away and smiled

"Now will you get up?"

"No" she murmured and sighed softly "I just want to lie here with you for a while…"

"Please baby? We have to be there in an hour"

"Oh fine… but get out while I change!" she said and pushed him off her. He smiled and slipped out of the room. She sat up, grabbing a pair of jeans, a black shirt and a tan jacket, pulling her hair back into a pony tail and looking around. She smiled and stood, walking outside and finding Sirius stumbling around on the floor by her feet. She glared at him

"You were watching though the keyhole weren't you?" she asked and glared down at him. He looked up at her innocently

"I can't help it! Your to beautiful for me" he said and grinned

"Damn you and your compliments…" she muttered and stepped over him. He st up and followed her, smiling softly

"We're taking the bike" he said, grabbing his keys and taking her hand, pulling her outside. She laughed, stopping and putting her hands on his shoulders

"You scare me sometimes… why are you so hyper today?"  
"Just ;cause… come on" he murmured, getting on the bike. She sighed and got on after her, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist, feeling the slightly worn leather of his jacket. He was warm, his muscles were firm and she could feel his hair brushing against her cheek and smell his cologne. She sighed happily, he glanced back at her and smiled

"What is it?"

"You… let's go" she murmured. He nodded, starting the bike and taking off into the air, above clouds and out of sight to anyone who dared to look. Tanushree laughed, any other time she would be terrified of heights but now when she was with him.

After half an hour he nudged her "look down" he murmured, stopping just above a hole in the clouds. She looked down at the fields below, thousands of fireworks below spelled out six words. "Tanushree Will You Marry Me. Sirius" she gasped, noticing six people below, Lily, James, Remus, Kate, Alloway and Megan.

She laughed "Where's my ring?" she asked. He smiled, turning and flying down though the hole in the clouds in a steep drop towards the ground, he laughed as he heard Tanushree scream with laughter behind him. They landed after flying over there friends heads, pulling to a stop beside them. Kate and Megan ran over and hugged her tightly. James grinned at Sirius

"It was nice knowing you" he said and laughed. Sirius smiled, looking back at Tanushree

"She still hasn't said yes…" he said softly, walking to her and putting a black silk ring box in her hand "Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

She looked at him for a long time, then at the diamond ring in her hand then into his eyes again

"Of course I do" she murmured, hugging him close and smiling. Lily squealed with laughter and nearly fell over as Sirius was tackled down by James and Remus. Tanushree laughed, putting the ring on her finger and smiling softly, sitting down on the grass and flopping down onto her back. She looked up at Sirius as he leaned over her, leaning down and kissing her softly. She closed her eyes and let the feeling take over her.

"Well… I have to admit.. I didn't think you'd say yes" he murmured. She laughed

"Last September I figured you'd be asking Brittany" she murmured and giggled at his look of disgust

"eww no!" he said and laughed. Lily sighed and sat down, resting her chin on her palm and looking at James as he sat beside her

"You okay…" he murmured. She nodded and smiled at him

"Of course… but you better ask me soon or I'll run off with Snape!" she said and punched him playfully on the shoulder. He smiled softly

"You shouldn't joke about that" he murmured and looked up at the sky.

**Chapter 9:**

**A tragedy like no other.**

July 11th. Voldemort brutally attacked the home of pureblood wizards. Heather and Ted (both being some of his most trusted servants) attacked the home of Sirius and Tanushree Black, Sirius was out doing Auror work, Tanushree was killed instantly, the dark mark left burned into her chest were the worst of the three unforgivable curses had hit. As soon as she was dead Voldemort had killed Lily and James and been beaten down by an infant. Harry Potter… the boy who lived. Sirius heard first of the death of his two cosest friends. Getting to the rubble that had once been there house he managed to find his crying godson in the rubble and comforted him into sleep, looking at the lightning bolt scar on his forehead he sighed, hearing none other than Hagrid approach. He sighed

"Sirius… Dumbledor wants to have him with his relatives…"

"I'm his godfather… me and Tanushree can take care of him, and besides... there muggles.. he will never know who he is with them…"

"I'll talk to Albus… but he has to go with family first… you know that"

"I know… take the bike… I don't need it anymore" he murmured, handing over the child to Hagrid after tenderly kissing his tiny cheek

"Till we meet again" he murmured and disappeared down the street, walking back to his home. As soon as he reached the front lawn he knew something was wrong. Running inside he was terrified to see his wife laying dead on the floor. He ran over and held her tightly in his arms

"no! No wake up!" he yelled, anger taking over him "I can't lose you too… I can't…" he murmured. He knew she was gone… the next thing he knew she was moaning, moving in his arms. He gasped, looking into her eyes

"Tanushree?" he murmured, looking deep into her eyes as the chocolate brown orbs opened. He sighed in relief "Oh god your alive…" he murmured

"I was dead…" she murmured "Lily and James… they where there…" she murmured "And so was…"

"Who? Kate… Megan?"

"They where… but for a second I knew I saw Voldemort…" she murmured "When we were being told which way to go… he was there… then he was gone…"

"Do you think he's dead…"

"I don't care… Peter killed Lily and James… we have to-"

"You have to stay here. I'm going to find him. I love you" he murmured and left.

It was years before he came back. A stumble though the veil sent every ones thoughts to his death… the veil is a strange thing… those who are guilty die instantly… those who are innocent and pure of heart return to the place were they want to be most. When Tanushree woke up after another terrible dream of Sirius leaving she saw him laying there beside him. She screamed, jolting him awake. He smiled when he saw here and hugged her tightly. She cried into his shoulder

"I thought you were dead… when I heard you escaped and you never came back… I was worried…"

"I couldn't come back… they would look for me here" he murmured and kissed her softly "I'm not leaving again… and if I am your coming with me…" he murmured and hugged her tightly.

"I won't lose you again" she murmured and smiled "No more pain…"


End file.
